So Very Tired

I've had a glimpse of life with four children. My sister's two girls are spending the night(ages 6 and 3). They have behaved wonderfully. P. got a little overexcited. And wound up. They've all finally fallen asleep in various places. I'm glad I'll be sort of eased into the whole 4 children thing. It' s a lot of work, which is why I always said I'd never have 4 children. So don't ever say never.

I did manage to accomplish a lot today. But I am going to be tired tomorrow.

Good Night

Thursday again

It's Thursday again. We've had a busy week. Today I took E. for her 3 yr check-up. She is very healthy. I tried to take the kids to the park for a picnic and some play time, but there were too many hornets. P. asked that we never visit that playground again. So instead of being out in the lovely 76 degree weather, we've been inside, where the bugs cannot get us.

I have a headache I suspicionate means I am dehydrated, or close to it. I'm sorry my posts have been so short this week. My brain is on overload and is having difficulty making sense. I'm sure I'll be back to rambling on and on and on soon.

I also posted over at Shekinah Scribes today.

Another Day

I got P. all signed up for Kindergarten. I didn't get to post yesterday because I spent a good portion of the day driving around to do dental screenings and pick up other paperwork necessary to enter school. This particular school is a Charter School. They are allowed to spend their money as they see fit. Each kindergarten has its own garden space. The walls in the hallways are covered in murals and student artwork. They actually get to take art and music. I think P. will love it. Also, as part of the charter, students are released early on Wed. so the teachers can meet and strategize and study other schools and their methods. I was also glad to hear it is a full day kindergarten, so school gets out at 2:20.

We spent a good portion of last night trying to finalize our home rearrangement, since splitcat will be on spring break next week. I think we've decided to have P. and E. share a room and give the babies E.'s room. It will take the least effort. They think it is a great idea. It makes me a little sad, since I could use my girlie imagination for E.'s room, now I've got to figure out how to make their room cozy for both a boy and girl.

I suppose that is all for now.

Monday Miscellany

I had a nice quiet and relaxing weekend. Now I am working to maintain that calm. Sunday, E. and I went to church and then we all went to lunch to celebrate my niece's birthday. My sister decided she wanted to go to the mall and get a haircut, so all the girls went. I got my hair cut, too. I was seriously considering growing it out, but it was getting heavy and I realized it would just be in a ponytail all the time. So I had it cut really short. It's a fairly boyish cut, and also a little bit trendy. I don't usually do trendy, but when you're pregnant, anything you can do to make yourself feel better is a good thing. My sister went really short, too. It's kind of funny how much we look alike now that we are older. The last time we got our hair cut together, several people asked if we were twins. When we were younger we looked nothing like sisters. She was petite and blond, I was tall and dark. Since her hair has turned brown we definitely look more alike, but she is still petite and I am large. I'm assuming splitcat doesn't like my haircut, since it took him about three hours to comment on it, and even then it was only to ask me whyI got it cut. It is a wise husband who refrains from commenting on a haircut he doesn't like. It goes along with the "Am I fat?" question. Some questions are best left unanswered.

Splitcat and Son had a nice trip. P. was impressed that their hotel room had a t.v.

I can hear the children playing in their rooms. Their clean rooms. When E. went into her clean room she started dancing. She found a toy that played music and just danced and danced. P. ran in circles in his clean room. He likes his toybox from IKEA. It's really cute. (from all the noise I've been hearing upstairs as I type, I assume their rooms are no longer clean. But we are not going to bed tonight unless all their toys are cleaned up.)

I think that's why I am feeling more relaxed. I have more than one clean room in my house. But now I have to finish putting away all the laundry. It's never-ending.

P. gets registered for Kindergarten this week. I am emotionally torn about this. I will miss him, but I'll be glad he is gone. He needs the structure of a classroom. I just looked up the bus schedule. It comes at 7:08. School starts at 7:50 and is 2.4 miles from my home. The bus stop is three houses down from my house. We must be the beginning of the route. Hopefully splitcat wil be able to take him to the bus. I'm not sure I can with 2 newborns and a three yr old that early in the morning. I've always sworn I wouldn't join the carpool line unless my child was being bullied on the bus. It's always so annoying to get stuck in school traffic. I rode the bus for many many years.

I guess that is all for Monday Miscellany. It's time to get some work done.

A short trip

It's been a busy day. Splitcat and son left this morning for an out of town birthday party. My mother met me and we went to lunch and then to the new Ikea in Atlanta. I knew it would be big, but it was truly overwhelming. We managed to find what we were looking for. I got some cool storage for the kids' rooms, and didn't spend a fortune. I could spend a lot of money there. I love boxes.

Now I am at my mother's house. She has 4 computers, so we can all surf to our hearts content. I'm on the laptop, which is annoying to type on, but my nephews are using 2 computers and my dad is using his. Once everyone goes to bed I can POGO all night.

I Know It's Friday.....

because I am stuck at home without a car. Normally I wouldn't complain, but splitcat is staying late for a school play. I need to pack some clothes for him and P. because they are going away tomorrow. They re going to a nephew's 18th birthday party. It is a three hour drive, and I just don't think I could make it. I think the girl and I are going to spend the night with my parents.

We've had a pretty quiet day. I told P. he could play Spyro after lunch if he was good all morning. So he is quite happy now. I've been cleaning my room. In an effort to take it easy, I've been cleaning off my dresser and various side tables. I also spent awhile reorganizing my jewelry box. My children thought it was great fun and wanted to know where I got various pieces of jewelry. P. spotted my original wedding band and asked if it was my marriage ring. I was surprised because I have not worn it since before he was born. I hope to be able to wear it again one day. I can't wear my engagement ring or my new wedding band already. I've usually been able to wear my engagement ring through most of my pregnancy. It's weird because I have not gained that much weight. It's not as embarrassing to go ringless as it was when I was pregnant with P. I looked really young to be having a baby(ok, so some people do think 25 is too young) . My sister had her first at age 22 and got a lot of rude comments at her workplace for being young and supposedly single. It's really amazing the things people think they can say to you. Speaking of my sister, she got a new hard drive for her computer and will hopefully begin blogging again. Ok, a quick check reveals she has a short post up already.

Well, I guess I'd better get back to work. All the stuff that didn't belong on my dresser is now on my bed.

Is Today Thursday?

My sense of time is really screwed up this week. I spent all day yesterday thinking it was Thursday. Now my dilemma is, was E.'s ENT appt. yesterday or today? I have it slotted as Thursday in my internal appt. book, but I should really know better by now. They called me TWICE this week, and I am still unsure. It's still too early to call, so I'll just have to wait. The bad thing is that it can take up to 8 weeks to get another appt. But since it is just a follow-up visit and I know her tubes have already fallen out, I guess I won't worry about it. It was nice to make it through the winter without chronic infections. The previous two winters I was at the doctor's office every two to three weeks. That gets expensive. (Since I'm finishing up this post later in the day, I couldn't find the phone number and we were all in bad moods, so we stayed home)

In the last couple of weeks I have been awoken in the nicest possible manner. I wake up to a little boy crawling in bed with me and putting my arms around him. It's nice to know he still likes me. We spend much our days in a battle of wills(Like right now, I was just told I was mean because I made him stop bugging his sister), so it is nice that for a few minutes we are friends. At bedtime he always wants me to stay and says "Let's talk about something." Sometimes I stay just to see what he says. It's usually pretty entertaining. His favorite topics are "How did the dinosaurs die?" and "Where does God live and why can't I see Him?" He was very excited to find out he was going to have a brother. I asked him last night what he thought about having a brother and his reply was "Maybe he'll like Star Wars, too. I can share my lightsabers, I have two." Then he told me he really wanted an "olded" light saber like Darth Maul. I guess "olded" means "double-ended?" He also wants one that lights up, like his cousins'. I guess in all the stuff out there for little boys to be obsessed about, I prefer Star Wars to Power Rangers or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles(although I have to admit I was a TMNT fan waaaaay back when they first came on in the late 80's. But that was before the world was over merchandised).

The best news in our home is that the laundry is almost done. Even though we did several loads a week while I was sick, it still managed to get seriously backed up. I like to put away all the winter clothes before I drag out spring, but the weather's been so weird I've had everything out at once. Plus my sister has given me several bags of clothes for the children, and it just started piling. So I've put away our heaviest winter clothing and just kept a few long sleeve shirts and pants. Someone also just gave me a box of maternity clothes(tell your sister I said thank you 4boydad) and my mother bought me some at our church consignment sale. I no longer have to wear the same things over and over again. I am glad that I don't have to dress up every day like I did when I was pregnant with P. I got really tired of my clothes. I find that I am not at all sad that this is my final sojourn into the world of maternity clothes. My goal was always to be done having children by the time I was thirty. I will turn 31 in June, so I almost made it. But I decided that if God wanted me to have 4 children, I'd rather do it this way and get it over with.

I'm already so tired of being pregnant. But that's probably because my body thinks it is already halfway there. Mornings are still a little rough, but I feel well enough in the afternoons to do some housework. But I've discovered this week that I have about a 2 hour limit on what I can accomplish before I can't walk. So I guess now I am going to try to spread it out over the day, and work like 15 minutes out of every 2 hours. My brain is also overloading in the decision making process. While I know that I don't have to keep everything, my brain sometimes screams "Hoard!" at me when I try to throw stuff out or give it away. Fortunately, I have learned to take those thoughts captive and throw them to the wolves. I think we've decided to have a garage sale. We have too much furniture. But I am considering offering up some of my books here, so I know that they've gone to good homes. I'll compile a list and put it up sometime this week. Twenty-nine years of hoarding is not pretty. I wish I had known this was my problem ten years ago. I am grateful that it never got so severe as the cases always given as examples. I am even more grateful for the women's group I was attending last year when I was healed of the compulsion to hoard. I still struggle with getting rid of my children's things, but I have reached a point that I only have a moment's hesitation. I have a feeling that in preparing for the twins I will finally be rid of all the clutter. And that makes me very happy.

ps It was my turn at the Scribes blog today

It's a................

BOY! and a ?!

Yep, we only had one show off today. Baby B is a Boy. Baby A is uncooperative. I have another ultrasound in 4 weeks. Baby A is currently lying in a breech position, and that apparently makes it more difficult to see anyway. I think the tech had a guess, but she won't tell unless she's 100% sure. I hope that means it is a girl. Splitcat is still unwilling to discuss names. He wants to know what they both are. But they both looked good and were exactly the right size for their age. They each have their own placenta, so they are most likely fraternal. When she was trying to see Baby A she hit a weird spot on my uterus that felt like someone kicked me. It's still sore. She said since this was my third pregnancy it was a irritable uterus and it looked to be contracting slightly. I'm not showing any signs of preterm labor, so that is good, too.

The children are spending the night with their grandparents. It's very quiet. We went out to dinner and I made splitcat take me to Home Depot to look at paint and other stuff. I kind of want to paint a mural on the nursery walls, but I can't decide. We have so much to do to get ready. We are still debating where to move our bedroom. We may partition off part of the downstairs living room. It will take a lot less work than if splitcat has to move out of his office. But I told him we'd have to remove the paneling on the lower half of the wall and paint, it's just way to ugly at the moment. It would also be better for hearing everyone upstairs.

I guess that's all for tonight. I hope it was more coherent for you Because I Said So.

The Long Awaited Boy Names Poll

So, okay, I've finally narrowed down my boy name favorites.

Ellis
Pierce
Zane

I'm having a more difficult time with middle names. Since the above names are slightly unusual I am thinking of going with a more basic middle name.

Michael
James
David
Edward

Any suggestions? I had personally picked out Ellis Kane, but splitcat said no way to Kane.
I like Ellis because it means the same thing as Elijah, but is not as popular as Elijah. Pierce is a form of Peter, and Zane is a form of John.

I still haven't narrowed down my girl name choices. But since I'm having an ultrasound on Tuesday, I want to have my name choices, in case the tech can see the gender.

It's been a long weekend. We've been doing laundry. Yesterday afternoon we spent some time outside, but it rained today. It would be lovely if the weather stayed so nice through June. But thunderstorm and tornado season is upon us.

Here is our lovely backyard

It's the best thing about our house. When we bought it, the grass in the back was waist high on the men. We didn't really know what the yard was going to look like. We were pleased with the results. All the way in the back of this picture is a nice level spot where we set up our badminton court in the summer. I will not be playing this summer. I love badminton.

I think I am rambling, but you have been spared the post about my cat. I'll save that for another time.

I guess it's been a pretty boring weekend. Even Chuckie Cheese on Friday night was quiet. We went early because we thought it would be crowded, but it wasn't. Every one had a nice time. Except E. when she was told she had to share her cake. She had her fork in hand and was about to help herself. She did not want to share. I got some cotton candy, which is all I really need to be happy. If I ever win the lottery I am going to purchase an Icee machine and a Cotton Candy machine. I manned a Cotton Candy machine on a boys retreat once, it was heaven. That was back when I still had long hair, and it was covered in blue cotton candy. Even my eyelashes had it on them. It was wonderful. I was afraid I'd over eat it and never want it again, but that didn't happen. I guess because it is one of those foods you get so rarely. Like Funnel Cake. mmm. I had a humongous funnel cake when we went to the mountains for our anniversary this year. We drove into Helen for dinner and wandered the streets(always an interesting experience in redneck tourism). I could not resist the call of the funnel cake, and since it was a special occasion, we got one. That was a nice trip. We had dinner on a deck overlooking the river, and got to watch people tubing by. It wasn't what you'd call a romantic dinner, it was more a bar than a restaurant, but it was really fun.

Well, I guess that is all for tonight. Hopefully this week will be as quiet as this weekend has been.

Excuse me while I rant

I wasn't going to rant about this, but I've really had enough. And everyone else is in bed, so I don't have anyone to talk to.

This rant is about the Natural Birth Nazi.

I will begin by saying that I have no problem with natural birth, home birth, water birth, etc. If that's what floats your boat, go for it. It does not happen to float my own personal boat. I want my epidural and I want it now. (FYI, I tried natural the first time, due to a stall in my labor during transition, I was given pitocin, which made me have contractions every 30 seconds or so. I was about to start climbing the walls, so I had an epidural, a nap, then a baby. I wondered why I hadn't done it sooner). I also feel much more safe in a hospital than in my home should complications arise. But I know people who have been successful in their home birth experience, and I respect them for their courage. I don't have a problem with these people because they do not force their opinions down my throat.

That being said, I currently participate in a pregnancy forum. I generally stick to two threads where people are respectful and friendly. If someone asks for an opinion on a certain subject I am glad to voice my own, but generally end with, do what is best for you. There are a few women who have decided to make it their personal mission to tell anyone who is not having a home birth, who wants an epidural or other medications just exactly how wrong they are and how having a baby in a hospital is much more dangerous, blah, blah, blah. It got to the point where several threads were shut down by the site administrators because it got so ugly. Someone asked a simple question about circumcision and was told that circumcision is a human rights crime/violation(unless for religious reasons). I am sure you can imagine the chaos that ensued. I personally stayed out of that one. If you've had an episiotomy(if you don't know what that is, don't ask) or tear, your dr. was an idiot. if you had a midwife it wouldn't have happened(but your midwife can't work out of a dr's office, they have too much "medical" training and are just as bad as a dr.) The list is never-ending. And they are not nice about it. I have never encountered a more holier than thou attitude. It's driving me nuts. So you're probably thinking the same thing splitcat tells me, so ignore them or don't participate. I am usually successful at ignoring them, but every once in a while I run into one of them and want to cuss them out and tell them to mind their own business. Unless they are me or my dr, I don't care what they think. One woman started a thread called unnatural mommies, because she felt so alone. The response to her was overwhelming. It turns out that women who prefer medicated births are less likely to preach and proselytize, so we didn't see much of one another. Not all natural birth advocates are this bad or bad at all. They will state their cause and let you make your own informed decision. There really are just a few natural birth nazis. But boy are they obnoxious. I can't wait until closer to our due dates when we will get to hear all about how bottle feeding kills your baby and keeps you from bonding properly, blah blah, blah.(In case you care, I do both)

Okay, so I've ranted. I hope you enjoyed it. It won't happen often.

Yesterday was my day for posting on my crit groups website. I didn't actually post until this morning, but here is the link. I was going to write last night after the kids went to bed, but I ended up going to bed at 7:00. My children were having adifficult time with the concept of obedience, so I sent them outside with their father to run in circles. I took a shower and went to bed. I actually slept through most of the night. I woke up a few times because my belly has gotten big enough to get in my way. I' m always afraid I am squishing someone.

We are going to Chuckie Cheese tonight with my family for my daughter and niece's birthday's(they are 12 days apart). I'm already tired just thinking about it.

Crazy? I don't think so

Yesterday in one of the forums I participate in, the question of the day was "what is the craziest thing you have ever done?"

I didn't have an answer, except that I was boring and cowardly. After a day of consideration, I still have no answer. I've done some silly things, some weird things, but I can't think of anything "Crazy" that I have done. The person who listed the question had sky-diving as her answer. Mostly, all I could come up with was a laundry list of things I haven't done.

Here is where this dilemma gets tricky and moves into a vague spiritual/moral/ethical never-never land. Should I feel bad that I don't do "Crazy" or risky things with my life? My answer is, of course not. However, there seems to be some societal something that says we are not living our life to its fullest if we don't do stupid crazy things when we are young, and sometimes when we are old. Honestly, I am grateful that I have a longer list of nevers than I wish I never's.

In the first year of our marriage I struggled somewhat with this concept. While my friends were still in college and doing "college" things, I was working full-time and trying to figure out being a wife. But I knew that it would be difficult, and chose to get married anyway. And although it was much harder in reality than in thought, I wouldn't have traded places with any of my friends. I am glad that before I married, I went to a small christian college where I was able to find other people like me. We didn't spend Thursday nights in Athens getting drunk. Our excitement came from a late night stop at walmart or the huddle house. I remember how absolutely shocked I was upon arriving to school early on a Sunday and seeing a girl leaving the boy's dorm(there was extremely limited visitation times, and six o'clock in the morning wasn't one of them). I was very young.

I just don't see the need for doing dangerous or stupid things for the thrill. I guess I'm just not an adrenaline junkie. I find much more joy in standing at the top of a mountain enjoying the view, than jumping off that mountain with a parachute or hang-glider.

I can't remember where I was going with this. I guess it's just that I have finally come to terms with being a boring person.

Wow, I've totally lost my train of thought. Hopefully you, gentle readers, will sort of understand what I am trying to say(and saying so poorly). I think I need a nap.

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I thought about making this another post, but since it's still Wednesday, I'll just add it on. I just got back from another exciting trip to the children's E. R.

P. and E. were playing when E. started screaming and crying. This is not terribly unusual, but she kept crying, which is. She finally made it to us, and she was holding her arm still and screaming if you tried to touch her. Her brother played the clown and got her mind off it and she stopped screaming. We both guessed it was another case of nursemaid's elbow(which if you are an avid fan of this blog you may remember occurring this past summer). She acted much the same, but we were afraid to try and fix it. Since it was well after dr's hours, we had to go to the er. Fortunately, it was nursemaid's elbow again. If you have it once, you are very likely to get it again. She behaved quite well, and got an orange popsicle for her pain. We also got to watch Dumbo. Not my favorite movie, but it passed the time. So we are just back and about ready for bed. It has been a long time since I've had to post an er trip. Hopefully this is the last for a while.

I never did get that nap.

Tuesday

It's been a long day, and it's only 4:54pm. But I finally figured out why I have felt so crummy all day. I have a slight fever. I took some tylenol, so hopefully it will help. So, I don't really have much to say. Splitcat took the girl out for some bonding time, she's been jealous of all the time he's been spending with P. I'm wondering if she hasn't had a fever, too. She cried all afternoon until I gave her some ibuprofen and some claritin. Both of her ear tubes have fallen out, and allergy season has begun, so I have to pay extra attention. She took a nap with me yesterday and was snoring really loud. Since she's had her adenoids removed, it makes me nervous when she snores so loud. She has already spent so much of her life ill with ear and sinus infections. I really don't want her to have to go through it all again. But they both are already getting allergy eyes, which makes them look like they have 2 black eyes.

Well, I'm having a difficult time concentrating. So I guess that's all

A birthday

Tomorrow is my daughter's third birthday. In some ways I can't believe it has been three years already. But I cannot really remember life without her. My biggest fear when I was expecting a second child was that I would not love it like I loved my son. I wondered if there was that much room in a person's heart. Mine was pretty full already. The night I went into labor(well, I thought I was), I was more anxious about this than actually having a baby. I had my house in order, and the dr. told me to go ahead and go in, and if my labor stopped, I could be induced in the morning. We took the boy to his grandparent's and began the long journey to the hospital. Once they got me hydrated my labor stopped. The midwife wasn't thrilled about inducing me, as she was sure it would take at least two days. (I'm glad she isn't at the practice anymore, her bedside manner was so different from all the other midwives). But I was in so much pain and discomfort I told her I was staying. They started my induction the next morning. Six hours later, much to her surprise, but not to mine, E. was born. I seem to have a knack of delivering at the nurse's shift change. The same thing happened when P. was born. With him my nurse stayed late, she had been with me all day and wanted to see the baby. E.'s birth was somehow less peaceful than P.'s . I seem to remember more people in the room. But it was easy. She had a little difficulty breathing, she came too fast to expel all the gunk in her lungs and nose. But she recovered quickly, and when they placed her in my arms again, I knew that once again, I was helplessly in love.

Yes, she was as big as she looked. 8lbs 14 oz. And she was hungry. She is still a big girl. She only weighs a few pounds less than her brother. In so many ways she takes after me. I am constantly told how much she looks like me. Like most three year olds, she is alternately delightful and irritating. I think it will do her good to have some younger siblings. I try not to spoil her, but she is so beautiful and can be so delightful, it is difficult. So here is a short pictoral history of my girl.

She doesn't like to have her picture taken much anymore. Like her mother, her moods are diverse and quickly change throughout the day. Last night as I tried to get everyone through brushing their teeth, splitcat stuck his head in the door and asked if she was PMSing. Drama has become her middle name. But, again like her mother, she is happiest when left alone to daydream and play in her own little world. I am really looking forward to knowing her as she grows. I hope that one day when she no longer needs the care of a mother, she will find she has a friend.

Friday

I had a successful consignment shopping day. I found a nice set of crib bedding for not to much and some more clothes that fit. I went with my Mother-in-law and we had a nice time. I've decided to do a winnie the pooh nursery. I resisted it with my first two because it was so popular, but splitcat and I have so much pooh stuff that we collected pre-children, and I've nowhere to put it. Plus pooh is pretty gender neutral if I have a boy and girl. I'm excited to have a new room to decorate. The plan is to put the baby's room in what is now the master bedroom. We will be moving our bedroom downstairs into splitcat's office. Our room is painted a really dark green, so I would like to paint it a soft sage green. All the nursery furniture is white, so I think that will make a nice contrast.

P. and E. had nurseries that were not overtly thematic. P.'s was moons and stars, blue and yellow, but it was very subtle. E.'s was very feminine/country. Here is what it looked like right before she got her big girl bed.




She has the smallest room in the house. It's a little crowded with her big bed, but she likes it. Once I get her coverlet ironed, I'll post her after pictures. Her new bedding was one of my embroidery machine projects.

Well. I think I am rambling now, it is late and I should probably be asleep. Good night.

Just a quick note

My writing group has begun our group blog. This week we are introducing ourselves. You can find it here.

Good News

Today P. had his IEP for speech and was dismissed! Yay!!! I think he will miss it because it was so much fun, but he really doesn't need it anymore. His teacher is going to give him a party next week for his last day. She said she hated to see him go because he was so much fun, but he didn't need her anymore. It was definitely worth all the hassle of getting him in. At 3 he barely spoke, so I took advantage of No Child Left Behind and he qualified for speech therapy. He didn't speak to his teacher the first six months, but at home I could tell a big difference. I've since decided that his brain was simply going to fast for his mouth. Now he talks so fast I have to ask him to slow down. His teacher wondered why he was in speech since he always did so well for her. When I had further testing done to check out his developmental skills this past summer the lady looked at me with obvious awe after she finished her testing. She was surprised at his visual memory and several other tasks he was able to finish without any trouble, he was developmentally ahead of his age. There's nothing like being told your child has above average intelligence.

I think many of his quirks stem from the fact that he's too busy thinking deep thoughts. Yesterday, in the car, he randomly asked, "Are our insides yucky?" So we discussed why we have skin and bones. We had barely finished this conversation when he said, "Do we still use cannons?" I had to ask him to repeat his question to make sure I heard right. He was very disappointed when I told him that we don't use cannons much anymore. He talked about seeing the cannons with his daddy, and decided he wants a cannon when he grows up. I tried to explain that we have much better weaponry, but he wouldn't hear of it. Part of me wonders if those two questions weren't related. I bought splitcat the Doom Collector's Edition for a stocking stuffer this Christmas, and the boy has caught us playing a few times. But I could be wrong, he typically asks totally random questions in the car. It must be a family trait. Splitcat and I always have our best talks in the car.

In other news, I have a prayer request. As my pregnany progresses, I suffer much pain. I was told I have bursitis in my hips during my first pregnancy, but now I wonder if it isn't SPD, which basically means the ligaments in your pelvic bones separate too much due to too many hormones. I've had this in varying degrees for most of my life, but it becomes much more severe while I am pregnant. It is just my hips and lower back that are affected, but I basically am rendered temporarily immobile because it feels like my hips either dislocate or lock up. And yes, it hurts, like a 10 on a scale of 10. And it can last five minutes or all day. The extra weight of pregnancy only worsens it. Now I'm going to have that almost doubled and I'm already having difficulty. So I'm calling in all my favors :) I don't want to end up in a wheelchair, which is where I see myself heading. I know most of my readers are people who pray, so please add me to your list. I'm totally open to being healed. So thank you in advance.

Today's Dr. Visit

I had a dr. appt today. All is still well. I heard one heartbeat, so we snuck another peek on the ultrasound. At first it looked like they were fighting. Then one was laying quietly while the other twirled and kicked and partied. It was very cool. The one who was moving the most is the one I've felt moving occasionally. The other is lying farther back, and is apparently much more quiet. It's fascinating to watch them in the womb because they already have personalities. I have my next big ultrasound in two weeks. Then we'll get measurements and all that fun stuff. But for now it is good to know everybody is okay. I think that is all for now. I'm tired and House is on.

Another meaningless post(well, it was when I started)

I don't really have anything to say today, but I'm trying to keep up the habit of writing. It's been a fairly quiet weekend. I've been experimenting with not taking my morning sickness medication. I made it all day Friday, and so far today. I wouldn't say I feel normal, but I'm not curled up in the fetal position trying not to throw up either. I don't know if it's from the medication or it's just me, but I'm having a hard time with noise. Especially high pitched little boy voices. I called my mother the other day to tell her I now understood why she made us keep our voices down or sent us outside.

I went to three consignment sales yesterday. I knew they were my only hope for finding maternity clothes that didn't show off all 12 inches of my previously acquired stretch marks. There is apparently a new trend in showing off your belly. And your body. Were I one of those lucky women who only have a baby belly without gaining weight everywhere else, this might be a viable option. But I am not. At not quite 14 weeks along, I am as big as I was with P. at 6 months. I am growing at what seems an alarming rate. The frightening part is not knowing how huge I am going to end up. Fortunately I found some pre "Sex and the City" maternity clothes. The kind that actually accommodate a growing belly and body. If I don't wear skin tight clothes when I'm not pregnant, why would I wear them when I am.

But me and clothes have a long history of struggle. The only time in my life I have easily found clothes that fit properly was after I lost 20 lbs my freshman year in college until I was pregnant with P. So for 6 years out of my 30 I could wear anything I wanted. I guess I still could, but I don't think the general public would appreciate it. Not that I think it's a bad thing that women are taking more time for their appearance, I think that's great. After all, I had to live through the grunge years(the residual effect being that I still want a pair of doc martens). However, not all of us have Hollywood bodies. Some of us are pregnant with twins.

I realized a few years ago that I must have had body dysmorphic disorder as a teenager. Looking one day through old photos I was astonished at what I really looked like. My perceptions at the time were vastly different. Losing weight in college due to illness did help change that. One day I looked in the mirror and realized I was too thin(and no, I did not have an eating disorder). Once I obtained medical help for my condition and put on a few more pounds I felt really good about myself. I have generally been able to maintain that sense of well-being, with a few years in-between childbearing wondering if I should even bother(more a sign of my severe ppd than bdd) or just get pregnant again(I got pregnant again, a great way to avoid dieting). I know that after the twins are born I will really have to take hold of myself and get back in shape. If I hadn't gotten pregnant when I did, I was going to have to do something about myself. But knowing that what I see isn't necessarily what others see has changed how I view myself. I try to take a step back and see myself through someone else's eyes. I also try hard to tell my daughter daily that she is beautiful. I've had to stop myself commenting in front of her on her chubby thighs(which are so cute). She is a sensitive child, and I see so much of me in her, I don't want her to ever say that the things I said about her were hurtful. I was lucky to have a mother who was never unkind(at least not in my hearing :)).

So I guess I had something to say today after all. I was just going to say I also found the twin stroller I wanted for half the price of retail. Instead you got a glimpse into the fascinating person that is me.

Soon I will also be blogging once a week as part of a group blog with my online writing group. Fortunately someone will be providing a prompt. I'll post a link once we get started.

Sad things and Happy things

I apologize to my faithful readers for not posting the last few days. They've been rough. Reading back through my posts I thought, I had a quiet Tuesday? Was it that recently? Tuesday evening splitcat told me that the mother of some old friends was not expected to live out the week. She had been sick for a couple of years, but I always prefer to hope for a miracle. I found out on Wednesday that she passed away Tuesday night. Today my mother and I attended the funeral. Yesterday, I cried alot as all the things I hadn't wanted to think about came crowding in at once. I didn't know what to expect today. This woman meant a lot to many people. I spent countless Sunday afternoons as a teenager at her house spending time with her beautiful daughters. And I was not the only one. Their home has always been open to all. I saw my first meteor shower on their trampoline. I was friends with the two eldest daughters. We would play dress up and walk in the woods singing hymns, and sometimes play on the computer. Time and distance have separated us, but whenever we meet there is friendship.

When I read Proverbs 31 she is the woman I think of. I was not surprised when her husband opened the service with this scripture. Each of her five children spoke, and one son-in-law represented the five in-laws. Their genuine love and respect and appreciation of their mother was very evident. The church was filled. Her 18 grandchildren sang about the Lord. There was much music. She was always singing or playing or listening to music when I was at their home. It was the one place where no one made fun of me for liking opera. They listened right along with me. It was a beautiful service for a beautiful life.

The strangest thing was seeing all my friends from youth group. They were all there. My roommate from college is very close with the second daughter and was there. This was the happy thing, seeing old friends. We all looked much the same, perhaps a little puffier around the edges(some of us a lot puffier around the middle :)) The guys I hung around with, and the one I went on my first date with, who rocked their way through high school, still have a heavy metal band. I got a demo cd, and I can't wait to listen to it. It was good to see everyone. They were all part of the best part of my teen years. I was afraid it would be depressing to see how old we all are, but it was good to see that we were all very much the same people as we were then. As I often struggle with my own identity, I remembered who I was then and wondered who I have become. Am I that same girl? Am I the woman I thought I would be? Am I the woman God wants me to be.

The son-in-law read a scripture that he felt was given to him just prior to the service. When he read it, I knew that it was for me. It was the same scripture the Lord had given me many years ago for my life. "Thus says the Lord: Stand by the roads and look; and ask for the eternal paths, where the good, old way is; then walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16. Amplified. Another version says stand at the crossroads and look. I am at a place of many crossroads. And I am glad of the reminder that I have help in choosing which path I take.

I will not say Rest In Peace, because I have a feeling she is singing and dancing for the joy of being with Jesus.

Hooray!

I have a garage door opener!! Thanks to my father-in-law who spent the last two days installing it. The thing I liked least about not having one was having to touch the garage door bottom. It's always dirty. My OCD doesn't usually involve dirt, but for some reason it really grossed me out to have to touch the bottom of the garage door. I think I was afraid of sticking my hands into a spider or roach. (Shudders just thinking about it). So anyway. I have a garage door opener now.

I think that's all I have to say today.