It's been a long week. M. decided to have a bad case of silent reflux. I am fortunate in that it didn't make him cry hysterically(a common occurence with reflux), but he grunted all day and night with occasional bouts of crying. I have always called him "Grunty" because he grunts when he is hungry, gassy, tired, or needs his pacifier replugged(again and again). But you could tell he was in pain. I was exhausted, he was exhausted. He would sleep for 20 minutes or so then would make a face and start grunting or crying and have a terrible time going back to sleep. He would gag and choke and cough. I felt really bad for him. It seemed to happen suddenly, but he's been showing signs of it all along. I switched his formula(in case that had made it worse) and added some rice cereal. And I had to move him back to sleeping in his carseat. I had both boys sleeping in the bed, falling asleep on their own(woohoo!). But elevating the mattress makes them slide around too much. I think he did okay earlier in his little life because I was nursing and he was sleeping upright. But for everybody's sanity I had to quit nursing. I simply don't have the time to take enough care of myself. He got too hungry for me. And I can't spend all day nursing.

It was a difficult decision for me to make. Rationally, I knew that quitting was the right thing to do. Emotionally, I was very torn. This was the most successful I have been with nursing. I was so proud, watching my little guy plump up. Nursing P. was a nightmare. He ate every 2 hrs around the clock for almost 2 months and I would often have to give him some formula in addition because he couldn't get full. I didn't last as long with the girl. I made it 6 weeks before she would nurse for an hour then drink an 8 oz bottle. I discovered I functioned on a much higher level once I quit. I knew that would be the case again. But I knew this would be my last opportunity, and putting into practice all I have learned since my other children made it a much more pleasant experience. But I found myself not being able to eat until after noon every day and then I was scarfing down dinner whenever I could--not a healthy way to eat to fill a baby's tummy. And I was quickly becoming exhausted. I have felt so much better since I quit. Plus the boys can spend the night away and I can eat and drink whatever I want.

I can tell it's fall because I feel the urge to write poetry. The summer is not so inspiring. It's just hot. But fall and spring, for different and various reasons send me into the contemplative mood which is conducive to the writing of poetry. I haven't actually written any, but I can feel it stirring deep down in my soul.

My poor body is starting to really tell me how much it was strained being pregnant with the twins. This week my knees have begun to make themselves known. I've been trying to walk as much as possible, but I still tire very quickly. Plus getting up and down off the floor and running up and down the stairs all day hasn't made them happy. My kneecaps have been feeling like they are on fire. They were better today, so hopefully will continue to get better.