Sorting

I am tired of sorting. I feel like my life has become an endless pile to sort. Maybe I'm just feeling pessimistic because my children have far too many toys. Last Christmas my sister in law gave them each a toy organizer which has small boxes. The kids have had a lot of fun with those boxes. They like to dump the toys on the floor and build walls with the boxes. They like to dump out the toys and make soccer goals. Then I get to sort all the dumped out toys and put them away. P. is good at helping me sort. He's a sorter, too. Like his mother, he sees a pile of toys on the floor and feels mostly panic. But if you assign him one specific item, like pick up the lincoln logs, he happily complies. His sister just flat out refuses to help and when threatened with toy removal, happily quips that she'll just get more for Christmas and her birthday(I've had the majority of her toys bagged up for over a month now, she hasn't missed them. Now they just might disappear.)

So as I was sorting toys this morning, I had an epiphany of sorts, or maybe it was just a realization. I am tired of sorting. I dream of a day when everything has a place to be put away. When there are no superfluous boxes of random items one of us is holding on to just because. I dream of a day when my mind only has one thought at a time so I don't have to sort through all the noise to find the thought which is most pertinent for the moment.

I have been seriously pondering the idea of living only with essentials. But that begs the question, other than food, shelter and clothing, what is essential?

What do you think is essential for our modern life? What do you think you couldn't live without?

I can't find my cat. I think she may have gone outside. I've been through the yard a couple of times and through the house lots, but no kitty. please pray for her, she's an indoor cat, so I'm guessing she's pretty freaked out if she is outside. Plus splitcat is away at a school function until tomorrow. It will be very sad if I have to sleep tonight without Kitty. She's slept at my feet for the last 9 yrs.

Update: I found my cat. I Was working and thought I heard a meow, so I muted the tv and called for her. She was in the closet under the stairs. She must have gotten in when I was putting some boxes away. I have no idea how long she was in there--I can't remember when I opened it last. Poor baby. I'll have to be extra nice to her.

Anniversary

Today is our 12th anniversary. Since we forgot to find a babysitter, and half our babysitting team is in Europe at the moment anyway, we celebrated by taking the kids to the park. We went through the McDonald's drive-thru and took it with us. A good time was had by all. It is a beautiful day today. It is one of the first days that has felt like Autumn is on its way. There was a wonderful cool breeze playing in the trees. The only bad thing was someone was having a birthday party and had set up one of those jumpy things, and the motor was really loud.

We also got some footage of Baby W. walking. He's getting pretty good.

Baby M just cried when we tried to get some video of him.

Chapter Books

Everyday P. is sent home with a book from school, they call them baggie books, because they are in a ziploc baggie. Yesterday he graduated to Chapter Books. I have no idea if this is unusual for a first grader, but I was very proud. He's rereading his Bible, too. E. has started "reading" her books at the table, too. She seems to be doing well at school so far. But she is still writing backwards--from right to left instead of left to right. P. went through a phase at this age where he wrote his letters backwards, but in the right order. She writes the whole thing backwards(i suppose it's actually a mirror image). I am guessing she does this because she is left-handed. Anyone have advice on how to help her? She doesn't seem to realize they are backwards, it all looks the same to her. Or should I not worry about it till she is in kindergarten.

I made it to Bible study again. I didn't really want to go, but I did. The boys had a good time, but were ready for a nap when I picked them up. I am going to try to do better about doing my homework this week. But 32 yrs of procrastinating is a hard habit to overcome. Sometimes I wish the Lord would work on one fault of mine at a time. I suppose a lot of them are connected, though. So here's what going to bible study is working on(other than the actual study): My commitment to a group issues(showing up), my fear of groups(I either don't say anything, or feel like a jerk or idiot because I might have said something stupid-which has been known to give me small anxiety attacks.) My dislike of hanging out with a bunch of women I don't know, procrastination(doing the homework earlier than the night before or the morning of), food choices(will I eat the pastries or the fruit?), there's probably more, but those are the big ones. I have also joined some small online forums and am trying to leave more comments on blogs in an effort to overcome my feelings of stupidity. 4 kids in 5 yrs has pretty much eradicated all my critical thinking skills. My brain is a mush pile. But I know the only way to make it better is to use it.
Right now I am trying to learn not to obsess over comments I make. It can take me an hour to write 3 sentences, and half the time I erase what i've written and don't leave anything. If I do post, I spend the next 24-48 hours fending off an anxiety attack. Basically all the classic signs of OCD are there. But I have mental hand-washing instead of physical hand washing. I discovered a few years ago that my obsession with reading was the ritual I use to clear my mind of the distracting and intrusive thoughts. So I guess I am doing my own cognitive behavioral therapy by forcing myself to participate.

It's about time to take the girl to school, so I will push the post button and try not worry that I've offended anyone. :)

Out to Lunch

Taking lunch to school is no longer the simple process it once was. My biggest struggle every morning, other than getting people to put their shoes on, is what to send for lunch. P. will not eat the school lunch, so I'd rather not waste my money. E. has to bring her lunch because there is no cafeteria. And unless you have a child in school you are probably wondering, what's wrong with a pb&j? Well, it could kill somebody. There were two incidences at P.'s school in the first week where paramedics had to be called and it was a life-threatening situation. Why are peanut allergies suddenly on the rise? It's an interesting question that I have no answer for. But I don't want to take the risk of having my child's lunch kill one of their friends. Plus P. won't eat peanut butter sandwiches. He doesn't like much in the way of food. When he turned 2 he stopped eating good food. I do take partial blame. I was pregnant with E. and nearly threw up everytime I opened the refrigerator, so we opted for foods that had low odor. Every year he adds one or two new foods to his repertoire. Here are the foods he will eat regularly:

Most cold cereals--this is how we sneak fiber in his diet.
Cheese
Milk
Water
pop-tarts
Pizza--cheese only
chips and crackers
granola bars-the chewy kind
waffles/pancakes
bread
pretzels
ice cream

You can probably see the theme--carbs.

When he's in the mood he will also eat:

watermelon
grapes
apples
carrots
bagels

Very rarely he will eat:
lunch meat
oranges

So packing a lunch for him is a nightmare. I try to vary it from week to week, switching out pretzels for chips, etc. But basically it's the same everyday. I tried sending him carrots last year. He didn't like that. I keep waiting for someone to call and tell me how unnutritious my sons lunch is and maybe I should send better food. But I decided somewhere along the way I would rather him eat something than nothing. And, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I was told that for years his father would only eat fries, ketchup and coke when they went out. His food preferences have expanded over the years, but there is still a rather limited pool to select from. And now Baby M is exhibiting all the classic signs of carb dependence. As with P. when he was a baby, I think it has to do a lot with texture and temperature. They will not touch anything wet, cold, or hot. Their food tends to be orange or brown. M. will fortunately still eat baby food, so I try to get him some greens that way. I have snuck in chunks of real food, and he will eat a few spoonfuls, then start batting the spoon away. Baby W, on the other hand, will eat whatever you put on his plate. Occasionally he will refuse something, but it is rare. He eats with quiet deliberation, delicately picking up his food one piece at a time, while his brother shovels his food in by the handful. E. will eat most things, too. My secret hope is that we will all one day sit down to a meal and everyone is eating the same thing. And it includes vegetables.

Questions

This morning my daughter asked me

why don't do anything?
I said what do you mean?
She said, Why are you just a grown-up. Why don't you have a job.
I explained how my job was being her mother.
What did you want to be when you were little? she asked.
A mom. I said.

She seemed disappointed in my answer. But it is true. I have never desired a career. When I explained that if I had a job I wouldn't be home to take care of her and her brothers, she seemed to understand a little more. So I asked her, would you like it if I was only home in time for dinner? And she decided it was okay that I didn't have a job.

I guess I should stop letting her watch the Barney video about you can be anything. I've noticed that housewife and mother are never included in the list of things you can be when you grow up.

In other news, I think I broke my little toe on Sunday. It hurts.

I am getting ready to send Val a rough draft of my novel. I know I still have a long way to go with it, but I am anxious to see what she thinks so far. I'm up to about 40,000 words. I'd like to make it to 70-80,000.

The girl started school yesterday. I did something I've rarely done and joined a women's bible study at a nearby church. My mother-in-law works there, so now she'll like seeing the twins more often. I'm not usually much of a joiner. I've done a few women's bible studies, but I knew everyone. I know one person at this one. We are doing a Beth Moore study on the Tabernacle. Apparently it was the first study she did and it has been updated. There is free childcare. The twins had a great time. Socializing can be stressful for me. But I had to get out of the house. The twins have gotten so attached to me that they cry when I walk IN the room as well as OUT of the room.

Baby W can climb up the couch. The other day I was at the computer and turned to check on the babies, who were playing in their little section of the living room, and W. was perched on the arm of the couch, looking over the back trying to decide if he could reach the floor from there. He's also getting pretty good at walking. He keeps me very busy.

Mothers

My mother told me a funny story I had to share. She was grocery shopping at a store near her work when a man approached her and asked if she knew where something was. She gave him a polite answer, and to thank her he gave her a squeeze on the shoulder and tried to draw her into deeper conversation. If you know my mother, you don't touch her without permission. Partly because she has fibromyalgia and it hurts and partly because she is a big fan of personal space.

Anyway, this man began to complement her on how beautiful her hair was and was trying to pick her up. When she told me what she was wearing I had to laugh. She was wearing casual capris and a t-shirt and had her hair down, which is waist length and almost completely gray. I told her he must of thought she was a hippie and into free love.

So for those of you who know my mother, I thought you might find this humorous, too.

I just remembered another time someone tried to pick her up. My sister and I were in elementary school and we went to dinner with my mom and grandmother. Our waiter started trying to pick up my mom. He thought she and me and my sister were all my grandmothers children. She finally had to pull out her drivers license to prove how old she was.